She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
