oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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