you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
false alarm, still single
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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