my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
