If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
