just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
