I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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