Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
