I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
