When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize