Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize