look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize