So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
3pm strippers are depressing
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Randomize
