I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dignity is for republicans.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
