her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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