He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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