Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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