Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
