well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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