sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
