this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
