saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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