someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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