I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
