After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
