Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
