If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
