i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
