yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I want to have your abortion
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
