Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
