You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
