I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
