dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
