a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
