So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
