Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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