nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
