yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
