Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
