i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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