All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
