At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
