I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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