Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Those nachos came to me in a dream
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
