wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
