i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
