No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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