real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
