plz talk dirty to me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
