i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
