This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
