It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
