Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
