and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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