Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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