Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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