mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
