1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
