Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
