I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
