My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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