hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
