I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Actions speak louder than pants.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
