He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
