If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
