9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
