Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize