Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
