Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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