I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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