I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
