I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
