Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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