Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
