You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize