every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
