so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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