There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
