i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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