You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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