she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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