he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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