It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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