Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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