one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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