my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
