Kiss
Puke
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
