She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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