What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
