You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize