Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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