You smell like a Billy Joel song
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
