True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
