i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
