Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize