im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
