I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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