Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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