Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
