You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Mom said you looked used
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize