I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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